INTRODUCTION
This is my story, sad but true. It’s not so much sad as pitiful really. For the protection of my friends and family, both in the real world and for those behind the screen, I’ve altered the names. But you can call me Sunshine44.
I was involved in an auto accident in August 1995. For sure, things could have been worse, but the outcome was still life-changing for my family, friends and me. A few weeks before Christmas that year, I underwent neck surgery as a result of the accident. Before the day of my scheduled operation, my daughters and I brainstormed for a family Christmas present. They wanted a computer; I went along with the idea. After all, we were the only family in the United States who didn't own a computer, and surely the only family who wasn't "online" utilizing the "information superhighway".
We were always technologically challenged, always behind the times. Before the widespread use of the personal computer, it seemed we were the only family who didn't have a VCR. I came to realize that the kids were right; it was a good time to join the ranks and buy our own family computer. I wouldn't be driving for a few months after surgery, which meant I couldn’t drive the kids to the library to work on homework or special projects. I even gave thought to starting a home business in which I could utilize the computer. I bought books researching the idea, but found it wasn’t feasible at the time. We decided on an inexpensive Hewlett Packard computer. The kids were happy and they couldn't wait to show me how to use America Online.
When the computer, monitor and printer boxes were brought our home, I knew nothing about computers, least of all how to hook it all up. If anything, I was afraid of computers. I didn't understand their capabilities and didn't understand the term “Internet”. I quickly found out though and gave it my own definition. Inter . . . meaning dependent upon . . . connecting with and the word net.....meaning a trap.....something that captures.....pulls in. With my own personal definition in mind, I decided to write my journey of the year I spent dependent on something that captured me and my life. More than once, my daughters told me how much they regretted introducing me to the computer. I got lost in it. What was supposed to be a "family" Christmas present for all to enjoy, sadly, became my life.
It was hard to come to terms with my addiction. I was a Registered Nurse and I was quite familiar with the many kinds of addictions people faced. I found it difficult to comprehend, let alone ADMIT, to an addiction to the computer and especially to America Online, or “AOL”.
It has been many years since I first took a screen name and signed onto the Internet. My story is not only about becoming addicted to the Internet, but it also touches on the teenage years, teenage pregnancy, divorce and other life passages. I knew I could share a lot of insight into this type of addiction, as I lived the life of an Internet junkie. I read somewhere that internet addiction is a “silent addiction that sort of creeps into your home." This same article shared how it consumed people’s lives and how support groups similar to AA and Narcotics Anonymous were springing up. I couldn't believe it, yet some how, I could. It affected every aspect of my life that one could imagine. Its affects were felt financially, emotionally, mentally and physically. Physical effects because it was common, once addicted, to skip meals and exchange only a few hours sleep in favor of more time online.
I heard many stories about internet addiction. A friend of one of my teens checked her email every fifteen minutes! After all, she never knew who would decide to write her. An attorney found himself addicted and in between court hearings, client visits and phone calls he would be in chat rooms. I even heard of a five-year-old who wanted to play games on the computer non-stop. Gradually, I didn't feel as bad about my addiction and my story. I began to see that I was not the only one who owned the problem; it had infiltrated our society!
Initially I wanted to write this book about the addiction, but I soon found that I couldn't do that without sharing my life story. People get addicted for many reasons, I think mostly to fill a void. So I decided to reflect on my life as it had been and how it was post-computer. I firmly believe, and still do, that when it comes to physical and emotional addictions people are trying to fill big gaps in their lives. They fill them with food, drugs, alcohol, overspending, and in my case trying to escape my unfortunate reality through a computer monitor. I still check my email every day but I can actually go on a vacation now without worrying about how I will survive without signing on and hearing the friendly and familiar "Welcome, You've Got Mail" AOL voice. I thought I had made lifelong friends online, although my daughters referred to them as my "fake" friends. I will always be endeared to those hearts, minds and souls who allowed me to come into their lives and for me to do the same, even if in the end we lost touch. They were far from "fake" though; they were real people with real hearts.
In writing this book, I was also able to reflect on the friends I had made and the exciting experiences I was blessed with through my many hours and months online, even though it was painful to come to terms with the people I hurt in doing so. Sometimes I am awed and bewildered when I think of the year I spent online. I guess that is what it feels like to be captured . . . you can't imagine how you ever got there, let alone how you were going to get out.
SUNSHINE44